More Absurd Commercials

By popular demand, I have entered into the tangled mess that is YouTube and have wrestled from it SEVEN more Violently Awesome Japanese Toy Commercials For Your Enjoyment. Of course, by "By Popular Demand," I actually mean people telling me, "man, Luke, that Battle Convoy commercial was really cool."

I was actually going to pick only five, but frankly...that's just not enough.

We'll start with some familiar territory. The Diaclone "Battle Convoy," who would later become our good friend Optimus Prime, also had a brother-in-arms, called "Powered Convoy." This was a large truck which had the same cab as Battle Convoy, but the trailer was now a car-carrier with missiles. For additional greatness, the trailer could transform into a suit which Convoy could ride. This whole figure would later become the Transformer called Ultra Magnus, voiced by the late Robert Stack (in the 80s movie, at least).



Man. Firing missiles. Okay, we're going to navigate away from Diaclone for a while, and visit our friends the Micromen. This next pair of toys have some of the best names I've ever heard of: "Punch Robo" and "Death King." I actually don't know much about them except that I want to have their robot babies. By the way, yes, for some reason, the actual pronunciation of "Microman" is "MEE-kro-man."



Having fun yet? We haven't even begun. The next commercial is for Henshin Cyborg, the precursor to Microman and Japanese brother to the 1960s G.I. Joe. Pay special attention to when the figure transforms ("henshin" means "transform") into a weird bug-faced green guy. That guy is Kamen Rider, one of the most famous costumed TV super-heroes in Japan. I'm not sure why this happens, but I expect it might have something to do with Captain Action.



And now for something completely different. This thing is called "Spy Boy," and I really don't know anything about it except it, apparently, likes to terrorize ACTUAL CATS (TAKE THAT, PETA), and seems to have been part of the Microman line.



Now we're getting to the good stuff. This is another figure with an amazing name, "Death Cross." The figure was brought to the US in the Micronauts line. The creature he's fighting in the commercial is called "Machine-saurer." But whatever! Who cares! There are people IN COSTUMES acting out TOYS BATTLING. I'm going to try to hold back from using the phrase "best thing ever," because we haven't gotten to that yet, but seriously. It is one of the best things ever.



For second-best, we have another Microman entry. This is the Gunrobo, a gun which transformed into a robot. It's not Megatron, but it's from the same series, and was later brought to the Japanese Transformers line as Browning. Prepare to have a song stuck in your head. Also: the singer says "MIKUROMAN NO MISUTERI!" which is basically engrish for "Mystery of Microman." CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE!



And now for the real best thing ever. Really, though. I am ready to claim, without hyperbole, that this really is one of the most amazing commercials I've ever seen. I can't believe Japanese kids got to see these. Their toys are allowed to do all the same things Superman can do, while ours just get to knock over piles of cans. You'll want to watch this one more than once. By the way, this is what Microman looks like these days. He's more flexible than Stretch Armstrong. He can do YOGA. No joke. Anyway, here's the commercial...



Am I right? Now, I know I said I'd give you seven videos, but there's actually one more you should see. Its not as much a commercial as it is a movie. It's about eight minutes long. It stars the Zoids. Zoids are motorized/wind-up, animal-shaped, heavily armed robot vehicles from the 80s. This is a video starring them, made by Tomy. It is epic. Watch it. Watch it for the lulz.

I'm not sure what's up with that store commercial tacked to the beginning and ending.